Pakeha fight for the right to Party.

'You gotta fight for your right to Party' - Beastie Boys

The search for a collective identity of our majority population is a journey that impacts all us minority types. basically because theres shitloads of them. like sheeploads of them. like 80% of the population sort of thing. they've got most, if not all of the power and like to put us in jail (well the ones in blue uniforms). and also their head Chief currently rules the country (badly).

so the long debate on whether they are 'just New Zealanders', 'Kiwi', 'European', 'Celtic' or the hippy option 'Citizen of the planet' has now finally been answered. concluded. done. we are at a critical mass collective defining momentum. and the winning definition is < drum roll > ... Pakeha...

Fantastic news. because some of my 'best friends' are Pakeha. and like an indigi Dr Livingstone sitting on the anthropological perch in a jungle of freaky white people, I have been quietly awaiting this moment. Some Pakeha have spent considerable amount of time reflecting upon how they could collectively define themselves, their relationship to this land its history and what that means to belong here, which still allows others to collective define themselves. There are many Pākehā who have been on this journey for a long time. i like those guys. i wished they lived next door. there are others that wake up punch drunk after doing the haka in a London bar with the sudden realisation that they are not British. and then there are the masses like Michael here who just pretty much tripped up onto the path yesterday. Shot Michael.
Michael. Car lover.
Tight Goatee. Pakeha Party Enthusiast.

So I want to say thank you Pakeha Party for bringing together and motivating this behemoth un-informed underclass of 'not racist' whiteys who have slowed progress in defining Pakehaness for decades. Nothing brings together the masses quicker than having a visible and much maligned minority to heap ones collective social and economic woes upon. In fact entire journalist and political careers have been built this way. You didn't let logic or facts get in your way, you pushed thru that and now look at those Facebook Likes build. They are clamouring to get aboard your 'waka'.


the news gets even better the Pakeha party want to be equal to Māori.


or in the words of their founding father David Ruck
'If the Maori get it, we want it to! No matter WHAT it is!'
(reference image below taken from their website in equally exciting font!)

I cant wait for them to share equally disproportionate incarceration, maybe a bit of the old diabetes, cancer and low life expectancy to get those health statistics more like ya know equal and shit, and top it off with like some of those equally shitty educational outcomes.

But wait! why stop there? why not the whole hog?

confiscate land, houses, customary practises and smack their children when they speak English. ahhhhh I can literally feel the scales of justice balancing themselves out. Equalling themselves out even.

If there is crucial advice I could give to the blossoming Pakeha Party as they go hand in hand into the great aryan sunset, that would to be to make an investment ( and im thinking of your thousands and thousands of supporters here ) in library cards. 

Concluding I would like to end as I began with the wise words of MCA, Ad-Rock and Mike D, words to unite, words to bring folks together, regardless of race, creed or species, whether Māori, Pakeha, Asian, African or Martian......

Volume up!!!

Māori innnnn spacccceeeeeeee!!!

Ben Kingsley is wearing a moko where he will be playing futuristic Māori soldier guy Mazer Rackham in the new sci-fi flick 'Enders Game' 


flashing before my eyes are relatives of mine who get livid when non-Māori take or use things that are uniquely and specifically ours for us. im usually with them.

This is Ben Kingsley though so ive been giving it a bit more of a think. He's got serious acting chops he played Ghandi  (the Indian leader who was a sorta version of Te Whiti o Rongomai ), the Mandarin in Iron Man 3 ( sorta chinese ) , a Jew in Schindlers list and now a Māori in space. He just needs to play a colombian druglord and he'll be a regular Cliff Curtis.

He also had a Māori expert who talked him through some Māori cultural aspects"Every gesture in the tattoo carries family history, family struggles - it's your past," the actor said. "I was so enthralled. He's in quite a contained, stylized uniform but then this wonderful face tells his warrior history."Kingsley also said what comes across in the "beautifully written" script is the authority and mystery of Rackham, a man who saved earth once and may have to do it again.

Odds are he'll do an OK Māori - despite the feeling that I get that hollywood couldn't give a shit about whether they are or are not authentically representing an ethnicity or not - Ben has got enough acting awards which will make at least approach the subject matter with authenticity in mind.

I do however can't help thinking ...... Why couldn't a Māori ..... ya know play a Māori from the future.  because regardless of Oscar awards I doubt Ben will be able to truly convey the sort of peculiar and particular idiosyncrasies of our culture and ways of being the interesting stuff like the sorts things you show off to foreign visitors who come to visit. Like love of seafood ( paua, koura, kina ), favourite funny Māori fullas ( Taika, Billy T ), and our special relationship with the english language ... "ah yeah nah bro" ... that sorta shit. Raise his eyebrows in the traditional 'chur bro' manner which is customary of my people. Prove me wrong Ben!

Having said all that if it was up to me to chose a Māori actor type who would save the planet from an all out alien attack. I'd go for the man.
Anzac Wallace.

Anzac Wallace made one of the most memorable debuts in New Zealand cinema when he starred as avenging guerilla leader Te Wheke in Geoff Murphy's 1983 'Puha Western' Utu

Anzac Wallace delivered a fierce, thoughtful, sometimes humorous portrayal of the charismatic Māori scout who takes up arms and leads a bloody rebellion, after his family is massacred by colonial troops. In the process, his character provokes those affected by his actions — threatened frontiersmen, disgruntled natives, staunch wahine, bible-bashing priests and kupapa amongst them — to consider the nature and meaning of ‘utu’ (retribution).

In a highly enthusiastic piece on Utu, legendary American critic Pauline Kael described Te Wheke as "a literate, Europeanized Māori with a taste for Shakespeare" and called him "a commanding presence — a Māori Che Guevara". Monthly Film Bulletincritic Nick Roddick wrote that Wallace was "magnificent as Te Wheke, whether leafing in fascination through Macbeth, rolling his tongue before beheading the parson, or singing his final waiata". 

Seriously close your eyes and picture this guy on a spaceship battling with aliens ....

See told you .....

danger will robinson .... dangggerrrrr

a fun way to conscientise your sleepy hobbit neighbours on the GCSB and other spy shit

Usually your wifi network name is something mundane and boring like netgear125i992 or some shit like that. for example usually when I login there are like 4 to 5 of my neighbours wifi networks.

Want to get them googling about govt spy shit? or checking the street for dodgy undercover surveillance vans?

Do what I did and change it to something spy related like:

there are of course many variations on the theme

for example if you live near Waihopai you could try

waihopai spy base

other possibilities could include:

sis surveillance van

Have fun with the theme!

Maybe your in charge of an entire network  I dunno maybe a public library or university something like that change the network name for about an hour and maybe just maybe the sleepy hobbits that occupy our fair land might wake from their slumber and realise our civil liberties are being flushed down the toilet faster than John Key can say 'Holiday in Hawaii Bronagh!'

Don't know how to change your network name? Do what I did and use google .. <pow!>

ps yes your right I do call my computer Optimus

More info:

Dissecting the GCSB

Dame Anne Salmond: A warning to New Zealanders keep hold of democracy

Protesting the GCSB + TICS Bills: Nationwide!

Abandon shiiiiiiip

Never been a fan of the Māori Party I mean dont get me wrong nice people in general but ya know just a bit to much on the conservative side not to mention not too strategic. Either they were not taking advice they were given or their advisors which just not that flash.

How did they get to this point? By this point I mean this current slow motion train-wreck that is agonizingly taking place with Peter Sharples ( finally ) giving up the leadership. Obviously a good 3 years to late which means he has effectively handed Te Ururoa Flavell a lame duck. Particularly when since he also wont be standing in Tamaki that seat will pretty much head to Labours Shane Jones

The wrong turn they took happened way before they ousted Hone Harawira from the ranks. After signing up with National they were vulnerable. They were Nationals numbers on the Left side of the aisle with Dunne and Act on the Right.

Who did the Māori Party have on their left flank? Well no one. Leaving them effectively wide open and vulnerable. Smart thinking would have seem them stich something up with the Greens and/or Labour ( more stability with the Greens of course ..... but thats another story )

Without that solid left flank they isolated a large number of their Activist base along with Harawira who is the personification of that Activist base in Parliament.

So obvious that I should have put money on it at the TAB......