post mortem post election rant

Well Well that was not the ending of the great spy thriller dirty politics entertainment bonanza I was wanting. And yet at a public meeting before the election Nicky Hager said National would win despite his book - my main election drinking buddy was also of a similar mind. I however was hoping my Greenies and my Lefties would pull thru and prove them both wrong.

At the end of the day ( that phrase again ) there were two choices on offer. Corruption (National) on one hand and Incompetence (Labour) on the other - it seems voters prefer Corruption. 

This election tweet pretty much summed it up for me

Now that Hager and Greenwald are not around to show them up - the mainstream media are putting the boot into Labour. hard. ouch. (although im not a fan - I feel a bit sorry for them ) on FB the comrades noted: John Armstrong says it's "absolute mayhem" at parliament today with Cunliffe fighting 'tooth and nail' to 'shore up his crumbling position'. Tracey Watkins over on stuff says Cunliffe is in 'all out war with his caucus'. I expect tomorrow that 'knives will be out' and Cunliffe will be 'embattled' and 'hunkering down in a defensive crouch'. Its all 'Hunger Games' up in here.

Labour should take some lessons from National - they looked after their allies - even entertaining working with the Conservatives until he started talking about fake moon landings and other weird shit like that. It was done at the beginning of the campaign nice and clear - and the population could see that. clear vision. Labour on the other hand rebuffed offers from the Greens to work on a joint campaign - and then killed of Internet/Mana (IMP) with help from all the right-wing parties and the Māori Party. (TMP). and then complained about not having financial backing - ( ah dude you just wiped out a party that had financial backing - which you could have been an ally with ).

I did have a laugh when Cunliffe went on saying that Labour were now the Māori Party... I thought... ahem - that will be National bro. they've got more Māori MPs than you. 

That IMP and TMP both lost seats to Labour should show them that their main competition was not each other ackshully but Labour. TMP can see this - although there might be too much personal shit between Flavell and Harawira - maybe Marama Fox can sort them out (please). and now they are the only independent kaupapa Māori Party - maybe they will sort out their Left flank and build coalitions - because as ive said earlier most of our people dont gravitate around the Iwi corporation vortex - anything authentically representative - most account for those in the unions, environmental kaupapa and the myriad of other contemporary configurations of the 'Left'. and that needs to be respected. this explains the Mana Movement support base. 

Can they sort it out? hope so. shit gets boring watching them argue.

Agree with the sentiments here at the Daily Blog and also at Ellipster and also on Maui Street. Except I like Dotcom more than they do. I cant help it. The Snowden / Assange reveal was awesome. He wasnt mainstream Nieu Zillands cup of tea though. but fuck them. they can be a bit on the xenophobic side, a bit too socially conservative, and sometimes not so good with the olde 'reading' and 'books'. and believe to easily the bollocks of the MSM. Different in a word - except they are the vast majority and us minority types must at times squeeze into the corners that are left for us.

are we (you ) on the outer of the majority culture. arent all Māori? this was highlighted to me other day I met a relative of
a relative an older pakeha man - a National Party voter - nice enough - did property and talked up Johnny Key as the greatest thing - the other older relative was another Labour refugee escaping to arms of the geriatric party that gives out bus passes ( NZ 1st) the Nat guy - was different it like trying to communicate with a Klingon such was the differences ( all of my 'right-wing' friends and relatives vote Labour or Māori Party -  a tad to the Left I am - out beyond the reaches of space some would say ) .. anyway

The good folks at the ISO are nicer to the Labour Party than me and my drinking buddies are. but thats because we dont really see much difference ( if any ) between them and National. There is more to the Left than just middle-class Union beauracrats who use the unions to launch Labour Party careers - and apart from the Māori and PI Caucus members - why are the others not like the rank and file of the Unions? lets be honest the National Party MPs have more people from working class backgrounds than Labour does.

Yeah so I like both Cunliffe ( why change the Leader - that wasnt the problem - the election strategy was just shit - I found myself agreeing with Josie Pagani on tv3 - ya ya the centre blah blah the centre ) and as I said above I like Dotcom - I saw the man speak - seemed genuine to me - and he hacked bad rich guys to give money to greenpeace as a teenager, made me laugh at least. others were similarly hopeful that parliament might be made rele

but some sage advice sometimes Less is More where I think lies a lesson for us all which is expressed in the wonderful words of Ronan Keating when he said- 'You say it best when you say nothing at all'

words of political wisdom

BTW im only voting because National doesnt want me too - fuck them

Mathematical Gifs via Bees & Bombs

[Via Colossalio9 and Bees & Bombs]

An Intergalactic Election Special

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you

Well shit this election has turned into a right regular Cirque Du Soleil. The only way this could get anymore entertaining is if they went all super stars wrestling up in here. I personally would pay money to see Gerry Brownlee in a one piece taking care of business from the top rope King Kong Bundy style.

King Kong Bundy. Wrestler. Legend. Real Man.

So my friend Laia like many Māori split her votes - at the last election she voted for the Māori Party candidate and gave her Party vote to Mana. Thats right two parties that don’t like each other. because here’s the thing. Māori split their votes all the time and expect Māori MPs to park their personal bullshit at the door and work with each other across party lines. Novel eh.

Anyway she asked me what I thought which is ironic since I sometimes don’t vote. BUT I am this year. Because at the end of the day despite thoroughly enjoying watching Key and Collins squirm their way thru dirty politics I am ackshully tired of orbiting Planet Key.

Despite Dirty Politics being whaledumped by Nicky Hagers book with layer upon layer of nasty ass shit coming from the Prime Ministers Office - there is still strong support National. Wow. amazing. a ton of shit flies and none of it sticks to Key. its like he's got mutant X gene that stops shit sticking to him.

Hager is Galileo explaining to us that Earth really does revolve around the Sun - and the hairy hobbit hillbillies with the fonterra fetish that infest our lands are resolute that world is actually flat and no amount of ‘facts’ or ‘logic’ will deter them. 

Key is also good with Centre voters. That place of Legend where the votes are plucked like apples in summer - and he who wields the Centre - has the power to wield them all. 

I can now for the first time reveal unto you what the Centre is. Close your eyes. and concentrate. now imagine the most boring middle of the road white male you have ever met. that pastel wearing beer drinking rugby head my friend is the Centre. Key is the Conductor of the orchestra and Labour is jealous.

Complicating our exodus off Planet Key is that my Lefties have all got beef. Georgina’s got beef with Kim Dotcom, Tame’s got beef with Annette and the Mana Party, Kelvins got beef with Hone. Pams got beef with glove puppets. I tell you Its enough to turn a hori vegatarian.

And while everyone is on Xbox 360 - Labour is still playing Atari. - but heres the thing despite liking Cunliffe and some of the Labour candidates ( Ardern, Coffey, Wall, Whaitiri ) - as a Party they just don’t have it together - it actually took Hager to pull some sense of unity together. The Opposition needs to have clarity, unity, the ability to build strategic alliances and above all stability - and thats not Labour. thats the Greens. The Left needs to have cohesion and direction especially from big brother Labour - but they are not providing it. Key has open negotiations and collaboration with the other Parties on his side of the spectrum but Labour does not. Without that well ......

and thats why I say:


There are reasons why friends dont let friends Party vote Labour

- He totara wahi rua he kai na te ahi

  • Before Dirty Politics - National was smoking Labour at the Polls. Why? Everyone but Labour is running a MMP election campaign. (dumb) Ever heard of tactical voting?
  • Did I mention that John Key and right wing conspiracy theorist Whaleoil both like Kelvin Davis. simple maths folks that all im saying
  • ACT Party - yup. Where did they come from? They are indeed the unholy love child of the Labour Party. an outcome of the meltdown of the 4th Labour Govt.
  • Seabed and Foreshore Protest - initiated by Ngati Kahungunu was the most massive mobilisation of Māori. Against who? a Labour Government.
  • Urewera Terror raids - yeah another great idea from a Labour Government - now wonder why Tūhoe and Tame Iti hence the whole Māori Party thing are not that big on a Labour Led government
  • Peter Dunne - yeah he’s been propping up the National Party. With hairspray mainly. Where did he come from? You guessed it. Labour
  • You know how Labour was against the Asset sales? Guess who started them and gave us Rogernomics. Yeah thats right. Labour

The Internet-Mana vs Māori Party thang

Cameron Slater’s friend Willie Jackson managed to get sound bites of everyones favourite activist Tame slagging off the Mana Party in particular Annette Sykes and now he is standing for the Māori Party.

Honestly ….  I sure as shit didnt see that coming. But I’m not suprised about the support for Te Ururoa and the Māori Party - and unlike many of a left persuasion I like Te Ururoa. He is a kanohi kite and polite on a personal level. Tame’s participation pivots on this relationship. ( obviously a good one ) along with his fellow Tūhoe who is standing for the Māori Party - Rangi Mclean.

Which Government initiated the Terror raids on Tūhoe?. Labour.  Which Government apologised? National. Who Settled the Treaty claim. National. Why would anyone in Tūhoe vote for a Labour Government? I know right. a conundrum.

The Māori Party has however one major flaw ( and probably lots of smaller ones - who doesnt ) and this explains its fortunes (or lack thereof ) at the polls and the voting booth. Despite the sound logic and foresight of Tariana Turia to split from the Labour Party to form the Māori Party along with the line that they are neither Left or Right and will work with whoever is in power - there has been a clear and visible working relationship with the Right - But where is the relationship with groups on the Left?.  Having a seat at the table is all good and dandy but what happens if the table is a Left table?. The Māori Party from its inception has been and continues to be vulnerable on its left flank. Disliking Labour is one thing ( as you can probably tell - like Tariana - I am not a fan ) . The Left however is not just the Labour Party - its Unions, its environmental advocates, its the Greens, it has socialists, and anarchists, - Nicky Hager is in there in some shape or form. my point there are a myriad of other groups of various left persuasions. and you may not like them but you must as least have some sort of relationship with them to be truly representative of Māori. ( I think ). Hone Harawira could see this as clear as days ( the pissing match with Te Ururoa over leadership matters to the side ) and made the correct call in leaving the Māori Party - even giving his proxy vote to the Greens. Whoever was providing political advice prior to Hone leaving was either naive or incompetent, both, or no one would listen to them. If the Māori Party do have relationship, it is invisible, - and the inclusion of Tame Iti at this late stage of play is well ..... too late. That coupled with an over reliance on Iwi corporations to steer perspective should also be better balanced. The vast majority of Māori do not move to the beat of Iwi corporate drum. Iwi corporations do not pay the rent or run the schools or provide the food or run the hospitals that Māori need in everyday living. A Party vote for the Māori Party is a wasted vote.

I like the idea of Minto, Sykes, Harre and Harawira in Parliament. I also like the idea of Te Ururoa in there as long as he wasn't propping up the Nats - I dont like what Te Hamua had to say about domestic violence so hoping he wont make it in and although it would be great to have Tame in there the maths suggests this will not happen.

The Internet Party and the GCSB

Not much more to say here than whats been said all over the twitter sphere - Like ive said before I like the Internet Party and Kim Dotcom - sure dude needs to learn to shut up sometimes thats fo sure but yeah thanks for super spy surveillance freak show bro. was awesome. but yea sometimes less is more

Some people really dont want to believe the evidence put in front of them so if the burden of proof is integrity here is a simple equation which forms its basis on who is more trustworthy in light of the unfolding events this election cycle.

Who do you believe?

Key/Collins/Slater/Farrar vs Snowden/Greenwald/Assange/Hager


The Greens are doing it all right - I dont know why they are not higher in the polls. oh wait no I do. I just remembered where we live. I will say one thing about the Greens. Why do they not go for the Electorate vote? in Te Taihauauru and Tamaki with Jack McDonald and Marama Davidson - they are in my opinon the main Left candidates. I definitely think they both had a good shot at it at this election. Just sayin

New Zealand First

NZ First Led by everybody’s slightly racist uncle Winston Peters ( two wongs dont make a white - after all) . Old Māori love this party. Old Pākeha love this party. My mate Gary the Bogan is probably going to vote for him again. Its the snappy suits, the smile and the one liners. Now all the slight racists are white flighting from National, particularly those that were not that into National but liked that nice man Johnny Key - but hey heres the thing they've have just read Dirty Politics and just realised how much theyve been bullshitted too.... Old social conservative types dont like that.  

Also ...Boring white people from across the nation are also celebratory that favourite school prefect Ron Mark is back in the NZ First Fold (yawn) and will once again be spreading his special brand of apathy amongst the masses. hurah.


still unconvinced by my inter-stellar logic? don’t blame you at all. if your political palate is more refined than mine then consider the options below:

Other minor party tricks and tips

  1. starring Jamie Whyte as demented evil genius Lex Luthor
    Are your mother and father brother and sister?
    1. are you morally ambivalent about that?
  2. Are you as thick as two planks of wood and live in Epsom?
  3. Do you like Lex Luthor? ( dude looks like Lex Luthor ehh bro)

Think about voting ACT: for a bonus you will get this human-like Android for free

  1. Do you like John Rowles?
  2. Have you ever thrown your undies on stage at a Tom Jones concert?

Think about voting for Mr Sunshine - Brendan Horan - the NZ Independent Coalition. ( Where does Uncle Winston find these dudes?)

  1. Do you think Climate Change is just "science"?
  2. The moon landing was obviously faked right?
  3. Do you find this picture attractive on any level?

Then you might want to vote for Colon Craig.

  1. Do you like hairspray especially the common sense type

Think about voting United Future

  1. Source:Neetflux

I hope these pearls of wisdom have helped light the path to enlightenment and but maybe its all just Party and Bullshit?- from the left hand of darkness see you at the polls. homes. ....